Woke up today to receive a sad news. A friend, I knew in secondary school, passed away yesterday night from Lymphoma Cancer. Shocked at first and now I'm just feeling sad. Really sad. Inna lillahi wa inna illaihi rojiuun. I'm not close to this friend of mine but we are of the same age and we knew each other. Talked a few times too. And I kept having flashback of him in our school years. He's a big nice guy. :')
Only 29 and cancer? I know age is just a number. If you are destined to get a sickness at a young age, then it will be ketentuan Allah. Ajal dan maut di tanganNya. I shouldn't be too shocked either coz the Hubby himself is having a heart condition at a young age. And sadly, another close friend of mine too is having cancer. What can I say? Age is just a number. Everything is already written. Life in this world is just temporary.
Semoga rohnya ditempatkan bersama orang-orang yang beriman. Al-fateha. May his family be strong in going through His challenges.
Yesterday, saw one tweet from a not so newly wed (hehe) that one thing she enjoyed the most about marriage is the companionship. I definitely agree 100%! Its been 3 years for me and I still do enjoy the Hubby's companionship. Alhamdulilah. In fact, I'm always craving for his attention. Haha. Only thing is, I don't think the Hubby knows that. He do find me irritating at times. Haha. The reason for this 'macam belangkas' action, I'm guessing, is because we have yet to have a child of our own. Sooo there's no other person to show our attention to except for each other.
I'm going to cherish every moment now while I can. Feeling grateful that after 13 years together, we still manage to keep the love going. Always learning new things about each other (some bad habits of his! urgh!) and overcoming the challenges together, it make us more united. Cheyy.. Haha. I just appreciate his presence more nowadays, lah. Alhamdulilah.
Here's to more years ahead! Inshaa Allah. :))
“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what
you do are in harmony.”
I yearn..
I
do not know whether should I blog about this or not. This is every bit
personal and heart wrenching (to me, at least). But I guess a minority of us women do go
through this. I mean sooner or later people will bound to know. And I do
want to express what I really feel all this time. Also to jot down my
feelings. But.. I do not want people to talk about me. Well, I can't
shut people's mouth right?
on another note, do you
girls know that we have our usual menstrual cramps can actually become a
real serious issue/consequences? dun believe me?
read this.
Endometriosis
is an often painful disorder of the female reproductive system. In
endometriosis, a specialized type of tissue that normally lines the
inside of your uterus (the endometrium) becomes implanted outside your
uterus, most commonly on your fallopian tubes, ovaries or the tissue
lining your pelvis. Rarely, endometrial tissue may spread beyond your
pelvic region.
During your menstrual cycle, hormones signal the
lining of your uterus to thicken to prepare for possible pregnancy. If a
pregnancy doesn't occur, hormone levels decrease, causing the thickened
lining of your uterus to shed. This produces bleeding that exits your
body through the vagina — your monthly period.
When endometrial
tissue is located elsewhere in your body, it continues to act in its
normal way: It thickens, breaks down and bleeds each month as your
hormone levels rise and fall. Because there's nowhere for the blood from
this displaced tissue to exit your body, it becomes trapped, and
surrounding tissue can become irritated.
Trapped blood may lead to
the growth of cysts. Cysts, in turn, may form scar tissue and adhesions —
abnormal tissue that binds organs together. This process can cause pain
in the area of misplaced tissue, often the pelvis, especially during
your period. Scars and adhesions related to endometriosis also can cause
fertility problems.
Symptoms
Endometriosis
can be mild, moderate or severe, and it tends to get worse over time
without treatment. Some women with endometriosis have no signs and
symptoms at all, and the disease is discovered only during an unrelated
operation, such as a tubal ligation. Other women may experience one or
more of the following signs and symptoms:
Painful periods (dysmenorrhea).
Pelvic pain and cramping may begin before and extend several days into
your period and may include lower back and abdominal pain.
Pain at other times.
You may experience pelvic pain during ovulation, a sharp pain deep in
the pelvis during intercourse, or pain during bowel movements or
urination.
Excessive bleeding. You may experience occasional heavy periods (menorrhagia) or bleeding between periods (menometrorrhagia).
Infertility. Endometriosis is first diagnosed in some women who are seeking treatment for infertility.
Some
cramping during your period is normal. But women with endometriosis
typically describe menstrual pain that's far worse than usual. They also
tend to report that the pain has increased over time.
Pain is a
common symptom of endometriosis. However, severity of pain isn't
necessarily a reliable indicator of the extent of the condition. Some
women with mild endometriosis have extensive pain, while others with
more severe scarring may have little pain or even no pain at all.
Endometriosis
is sometimes mistaken for other conditions that can cause pelvic pain,
such as pelvic inflammatory disease (PID) or ovarian cysts. It may be
confused with irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), a condition that causes
bouts of diarrhea, constipation and abdominal cramping. IBS can
accompany endometriosis, which can complicate the diagnosis.
it
can cause infertililty hokay?? scary or wat??? my pain are usually very
unbearable. im super scared la sey. oh god i wanna have babies. plss??
haix. i can only pray for the best.
**********
Didn't know what I post years ago to come true 6 years later. I remember having bad menses cramp before I was married. After I was married the pain lessen but it was still there. Honestly, me n Hubby wanted kids of our own. We waited and waited and then its already been 3 years now. Every time I was hopeful and it had to crash every month when I saw my menses came. And i cried every month just because I thought I was and then the bloody thing had to come. I think I was nearly at the brink of depression. Everything made me so mad and truthfully, me n Hubby had a lot of fights due to my mental state. It was a waiting game for us. 3 weeks of hopefulness and 1 week of mental breakdown. It happened EVERY month without failed for 2 years.
Sometimes, I would imagine I had a child and then when I came back to reality, I actually thought it was real. It got so bad last year that at one point I decided to ignore my social media (FB & IG) coz my friends and acquaintances were having their first child and I was angry and jealous and sad about it. I would break down and cried seeing my friends' pic about their undying love for their child. The Hubby sometimes do get agitated with me but he was always patient with me. Always. During that time, we each blame ourselves the cause of the problem. Hubby said maybe it is him due to his medication and I, blame myself throughout. I got the feeling that it was me entirely. That strong feeling and it doesn't go away. There was a time that my menses was 5 days late. I was so super hopeful that this is it that I bought a pregnancy kit and tried. But it was negative and then the next day, menses came. I remember crying myself loudly like a mad woman alone at home. If I wasn't a strong woman, I think I can go mad from all this.
Alhamdulilah for the strength and Iman in me that made me go through the mad times. I have always been strong hearted since young, I realised. I've been through rough times the whole of my life since the divorce of my parents eons ago and the consequences after that and then the step-fathers scenarios, and then the death of my Nenek and then my Father and lastly, my Hubby's condition. If I wasn't strong, maybe I would have succumb to suicide before. Astagfirullahal'adzim. I shudder to think about it. Alhamdulilah for the strength Allah has lend me to go through all His challenges. It was that, that made me slowly come to my senses. Early this year, we decided to go to the doctor to have a check. At first, we were ashamed and shy to open up to people for help but if we didn't seek help, I think we will be in the same place as a year ago, helpless and confused . We gained our courage and went to Polyclinic for a referral to the big hospital so we can get the subsidies. After painful and uncomfortable tests, my worst nightmare came true. It was me. Me. Hubby's were healthy. Truthfully, when i found out, it hurts terribly but however i kind of expected it. I was angry at myself for not being able to get pregnant and give the Hubby the child he yearns.
Endometriosis is what I had. The right side of my fallopian tube had a scar and tissue was blocking it. Therefore the possibility of getting pregnant is only limited. Can't believe I blogged about it and it came true. If only I did go for a check-up earlier and didn't have to wait 6 years later. Sigh. So in May, went for a minor operation to remove the tissues and I would like to think it was a success. Only that the doctor mentioned, I do have a scarring so getting pregnant naturally will be hard. It only make me feel worst. Doctor gave us 6 months to try naturally and then if there is no results, we may have to choose IUI or IVF. Inshaa Allah, if we were meant to have a child, it will be our only way.
Now its already August but still no news yet. My cramps vanished and my menses cut down to 5 days and less blood flow too. Its a good news for my body but still unfairly bad news for my soul. However, nowadays I felt so much better than before. I am less hopeful now and I begin to accept the reality. I don't really think much about it (I do sometimes but I manage to shrug it off) and I'm coping well, Alhamdulilah. I still do want a child of my own but hoping that IUI or IVF to get me one, will make me go back to my old self. (Not all IUI or IVF procedure have a 100% success rate) Hoping and hoping and then nothing, crumble. I refused to be that way again. I tried to reason with myself the pros of having NO child and there is a few I can think of. But obviously, its not up to me alone. The Hubby still hope that I can get pregnant soon. I shudder to think what could happen to my marriage in the future. It is the main problem from my point of view. Nowadays what's been worrying me is this very reason. Everyday I pray that our marriage last till Jannah, Inshaa Allah and our love to last. What will i do without the Hubby? :'(
The Hubby has always been supportive and patient with me this 13 years and I hope that he will continue to be that for the next forever. Inshaa Allah.
Please pray for me to get my own junior soon, inshaa Allah and the strength to go through His challenges. Nothing to ask of you but only that.
'Seek help through patience and prayer; indeed Allah is with those who are patient.'
Labels: endometriosis
